After a series of bad news and rusty feelings, I stumbled accross this, once again ...
It is 0420 hrs and a very bad time to do this... but I feeling again rejuvenated to practice on my piano... and, I am going to do that :) ...
it is true... in-humanly gifts like books and music are the real friends ... they always be with you...
Friday, September 29, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
a little dispersion
for a long time, I wanted to write something in marathi, the language closest to my heart....
any way, here is what I have tried creating a small space for me... have a look at, iff you know marathi... for non-marathi junta... bye bye for while :)... a beintot!
any way, here is what I have tried creating a small space for me... have a look at, iff you know marathi... for non-marathi junta... bye bye for while :)... a beintot!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Hrishida, I miss you
Anand mara nahi.... Anand marte nahi
There are very few people, I have seen in my life, who did know what they are upto. If life is not what you want, but what you can grab, then they were those who gathered the best of it... or were they who made it the best with whatever they could grab?
Hrishikesh Mukharjee, can be just yet another Indian name for most of the film-makers around the world. But, I will always rank him the same as Akira Kurosawa or Satyajit Ray. If tomorrow I could create something good in this field, it will be due to that mute guidance by these people, which constantly taught me novel ways of story telling....
Afterall, Anand mara nahi..... Anand marte nahi....
I will miss you hrishida...
There are very few people, I have seen in my life, who did know what they are upto. If life is not what you want, but what you can grab, then they were those who gathered the best of it... or were they who made it the best with whatever they could grab?
Hrishikesh Mukharjee, can be just yet another Indian name for most of the film-makers around the world. But, I will always rank him the same as Akira Kurosawa or Satyajit Ray. If tomorrow I could create something good in this field, it will be due to that mute guidance by these people, which constantly taught me novel ways of story telling....
Afterall, Anand mara nahi..... Anand marte nahi....
I will miss you hrishida...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Economy, on Thinking
The best way to look at one's ownself is through his or her eyes... I mean through a third person's mind. That must be the reason, why Indian perspective had many corners to lit my soul up, while in
I am not a literate of economy; neither have I understood commerce that well. But, being a part of the society with large economical dimensions, I can feel it in me.... quite strongly! Hence, even though not everything that I express here can be stated correct, it certainly reflects my personal understanding of the facts and a deep faith in the future.
Despite being world's largest economy, I have absolutely no feeling for it. Though I accept, the "survival of the fittest" and the "everything is fair in love and war", as two basic rules of progressive life, I can by no means understand "war" as a means of progress. It is more like hindi filmy heroes... they may not be that great, but all others around them must be sub-nominal in existence.
European Economy:
This is the economy of colonial exploitation. Though most of these countries suffered in World War II, they could stand-up again partially because of colonial back-up. Unfortunately, European countries have very limited natural resources.
Eastern Economy:
This is economy of oil. The special importance of oil in world's economy hiked them to a developed economy status, without giving any time to understand the value over price. The day oil wells dry or world finds an alternative for the oil, they will be back to the same state as their blank past.... unfortunately, they couldn't utilize their financial security to reform themselves. May god help them.
Japanese Economy:
I have a deep respect for them. In spite of the fact that there is zero natural resources on this isolated island, it is the second largest economy in the world. It was the need for survival, which drove them to today's prosperous existence. It is mainly the economy of need. Unfortunately, this economy has seen stagnation quite earlier than expected. Resource-less-ness, their isolated self-sufficient culture and perhaps less control over global decision making (as an outcome of world war II Japan was not allowed to maintain any kind of military services).
Indian Economy:
I think there are two factors for a good growth in the economy. A proper understanding and planning of the secondary sector, which mainly includes services, is necessary for the growth. On the other hand, opulent natural resources are needed to add the stability at every stage of the growth.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Missing link!
Today, when my friend started showing the photos of his visit to the Konark Temple, I couldn't resist my excitment ..... "This temple was the highest in all the temples in Orissa. The main structure always has a DeuL which is generally a very heighted building....only priests can enter.....It was destroyed by british for acquiring the magnetic stone, which had an idol floating in between.....the rays of sun would reflect from the diamond at the center of this idol...that's why the name koN-ark...meaning angle of the sun (ray)...." ... and He continued.....
....."The konark temple symbolically carries the time....since it is the Ratha(chariot) of surya (the sun) with 24 wheels representing months and seven horses..the days"...nothing could have stopped him....but by this time, I started getting a strange feeling....there was something wrong...something terribly wrong....what was it?....recall....harder...something was missing .... somewhere...and hell with my memory...I was unable to recall.
And, then... suddenly....yes! that's the point...one of them must be wrong....the comments are quite contradictory...or I am making mistake......
In last night sky observation from my institute, it was told to me...that the sunday:Ravivaar...Mo(o)nday:somavaar...etc,etc...can't be a mere coincidence...we had 15 days unit from Pandhravada (or Paksh) from Poornima to Amavasya and back...the 7 days a week concept is an adopted one...from the greeks....sounds quite logical.....but when did we adopt it?
Even before the king Ashoka, around when most of these temples were built? Otherwise, why the chariot of sun will have 7 horses?.......and I do remember, a similar mentioning in some of the veda's......which are even older......
Have to research on it.......a link is missing! .....all in all, a good reason to visit Konark Temple....
....."The konark temple symbolically carries the time....since it is the Ratha(chariot) of surya (the sun) with 24 wheels representing months and seven horses..the days"...nothing could have stopped him....but by this time, I started getting a strange feeling....there was something wrong...something terribly wrong....what was it?....recall....harder...something was missing .... somewhere...and hell with my memory...I was unable to recall.
And, then... suddenly....yes! that's the point...one of them must be wrong....the comments are quite contradictory...or I am making mistake......
In last night sky observation from my institute, it was told to me...that the sunday:Ravivaar...Mo(o)nday:somavaar...etc,etc...can't be a mere coincidence...we had 15 days unit from Pandhravada (or Paksh) from Poornima to Amavasya and back...the 7 days a week concept is an adopted one...from the greeks....sounds quite logical.....but when did we adopt it?
Even before the king Ashoka, around when most of these temples were built? Otherwise, why the chariot of sun will have 7 horses?.......and I do remember, a similar mentioning in some of the veda's......which are even older......
Have to research on it.......a link is missing! .....all in all, a good reason to visit Konark Temple....
Friday, July 28, 2006
The eleventh best
Yesterday, while on tea table, a faculty friend of mine described, "what research field meant to him, when he was a Ph.D. student". I wish to share that experience with you all.
During Ph.D. time, most of the student take hardly any time to realise, that what they are doing is not what they deserved to do ...... of course, they deserve more ..... neither they feel any excitement about their work ...... what I am doing is pretty mechanical and hardly any research! ... so they say .... and, believe me (read, the faculty friend) .... it is ture!
But, then after a few years you come of the factory as a researcher, a post doc.. and most of time, the same field becomes your passion ..... your life ..... your ultimate love ...... I love this... I always wanted to do this ..... so you say .... and again believe me ..... it is true..... again!
Nothing great about it ..... same thing happens every-where ...... while in the market, everyone wishes to marry the top 10 females in the world ...... ash, I love her ...... Julia, yessss..... angelina, hummmm .... J Lo, ooops..... sharapova, no words ..... and so on
And again almost always happens, that you get to marry only the 11th best in your life ...... for first six months, you start realising...... this is no good .... I deserved better .... look at that Panse ..... he is really lucky ..... (by the way, the same Panse must be looking forward to Mr. Sane the next door....possible) ..... ohh, mrs. singh....aah, just perfect....
And, just about six months after the marriage, (when you realise, this is the best you can afford) you accept it as your life .... our love increased day by day .... she is the best ..... I always wanted a girl like her ...
.... true or not, but research is just like marriage.... you always fall where you never wanted to be.... but you always end up loving it up .... living it up
During Ph.D. time, most of the student take hardly any time to realise, that what they are doing is not what they deserved to do ...... of course, they deserve more ..... neither they feel any excitement about their work ...... what I am doing is pretty mechanical and hardly any research! ... so they say .... and, believe me (read, the faculty friend) .... it is ture!
But, then after a few years you come of the factory as a researcher, a post doc.. and most of time, the same field becomes your passion ..... your life ..... your ultimate love ...... I love this... I always wanted to do this ..... so you say .... and again believe me ..... it is true..... again!
Nothing great about it ..... same thing happens every-where ...... while in the market, everyone wishes to marry the top 10 females in the world ...... ash, I love her ...... Julia, yessss..... angelina, hummmm .... J Lo, ooops..... sharapova, no words ..... and so on
And again almost always happens, that you get to marry only the 11th best in your life ...... for first six months, you start realising...... this is no good .... I deserved better .... look at that Panse ..... he is really lucky ..... (by the way, the same Panse must be looking forward to Mr. Sane the next door....possible) ..... ohh, mrs. singh....aah, just perfect....
And, just about six months after the marriage, (when you realise, this is the best you can afford) you accept it as your life .... our love increased day by day .... she is the best ..... I always wanted a girl like her ...
.... true or not, but research is just like marriage.... you always fall where you never wanted to be.... but you always end up loving it up .... living it up
Thursday, July 27, 2006
The Silly we think ...
Working in the field of high energy physics is now a days has become more like digging for a rash of gold in the dustful of mine. The only difference is that the golden track is a new particle (or a pile up of many basic elements, the decay products) and the mine is the enormous data sampled over ages. And more than anything, what needs your presence is this data mining.
And you have to just clever...not only in picking up the correct...but also in picking up correctly....what one would say....picking up smartly....
the nature does speak to you....but to understand it, you need to have the interpreter.....the detectors ...... and just as good as any other interpreter, detectors have their own personal touch in everything!
in all this, what can save you is called statistics....starting from detector calibration to authentication of your result...everything can be fitted nicely, only if you have good statistics...that is size of the data.....
provided we now understand the nature to a very great extent, the state-of-art research in High energy Physics demands question about particles one can't even think of seeing in his dreams.....what I mean is they are unimaginably tiny .....
So, we go for higher...much higher....no, in fact pretty much higher data size .... and that makes life worse .... you will have to spend more time analysing it ..... and believe it or not...but running your simple code on the whole data may take even months to finish.....
and here, you got to be smarter...much smarter....no, in fact pretty much smarter ..... and that makes life even worse..... you will have to go for clusters with more computers....... computers with many processors.... and processors with more speed .... so what one technically calls .... n nod clusters with multicore processors ...... (And there comes GRID computing, but more on this later)
but hardware always have a limit...the limit of its own physics ..... (does that remind you of Ouroboros : the famous tail eating snake?).... so you got to invoke software possibilities ... that is nothing but your brain .....( it is like biology coming to rescue of the Ouroboros, by taking its life away, before it eats up itself whole) .... so you device smart ways to reduce the data size you wish to tackle with ....
it is called skimming ... that means, collecting only that part of data, meaningful to you ..... when I started adopting this idea.... I thought, it will be great to store only useful events into a separate data file and use this file instead of the whole data for future analysis ..... and now, I am gauging for how silly I think I am .....
isn't it possible to make a data file called index file , which stores indices, mentioning which event amongst the full data is useful and which is not?.... won't it take smaller space and less efforts than storing the same data events again separately? ......
research is nothing about thinking ..... it is all about smart thinking .....
After all successful people don't do different things, they do things differently
And you have to just clever...not only in picking up the correct...but also in picking up correctly....what one would say....picking up smartly....
the nature does speak to you....but to understand it, you need to have the interpreter.....the detectors ...... and just as good as any other interpreter, detectors have their own personal touch in everything!
in all this, what can save you is called statistics....starting from detector calibration to authentication of your result...everything can be fitted nicely, only if you have good statistics...that is size of the data.....
provided we now understand the nature to a very great extent, the state-of-art research in High energy Physics demands question about particles one can't even think of seeing in his dreams.....what I mean is they are unimaginably tiny .....
So, we go for higher...much higher....no, in fact pretty much higher data size .... and that makes life worse .... you will have to spend more time analysing it ..... and believe it or not...but running your simple code on the whole data may take even months to finish.....
and here, you got to be smarter...much smarter....no, in fact pretty much smarter ..... and that makes life even worse..... you will have to go for clusters with more computers....... computers with many processors.... and processors with more speed .... so what one technically calls .... n nod clusters with multicore processors ...... (And there comes GRID computing, but more on this later)
but hardware always have a limit...the limit of its own physics ..... (does that remind you of Ouroboros : the famous tail eating snake?).... so you got to invoke software possibilities ... that is nothing but your brain .....( it is like biology coming to rescue of the Ouroboros, by taking its life away, before it eats up itself whole) .... so you device smart ways to reduce the data size you wish to tackle with ....
it is called skimming ... that means, collecting only that part of data, meaningful to you ..... when I started adopting this idea.... I thought, it will be great to store only useful events into a separate data file and use this file instead of the whole data for future analysis ..... and now, I am gauging for how silly I think I am .....
isn't it possible to make a data file called index file , which stores indices, mentioning which event amongst the full data is useful and which is not?.... won't it take smaller space and less efforts than storing the same data events again separately? ......
research is nothing about thinking ..... it is all about smart thinking .....
After all successful people don't do different things, they do things differently
Monday, July 17, 2006
Wetting the glass
For a long time she had been alone now.....but his memories always remained with her...within her.... she never had imagined her existence without him..... she never existed without him .... he was always with her, will always be .....
They always used to come here .... every flower in this garden was their friend.... every bird had its song woven for them.... every bench in the corners was a mute witness of the immense love they shared .... the dew drops on the leaves glittered every morning in pride of sharing their great warmth for each other.....
and whenever they came here.... no one could stop them talking to each other, but the time, which always flew the fastest then and only then ..... as if, it was in a hurry to carry this experience to someone more beloved .....
they always had a great many things to share ..... they always had ..... even after 50 years of successful married life ..... their friends envied them... but the more they loved each other ....
It was the respect for each other, which made them love each other and not just the love which should have made them respect each other ..... that was the secret of their ever increasing involvement ... the ever increasing depth of their love .... how could friends ever understand this?
and now... that she was sitting alone on the same bench .... she spread her shaking hand beside her ..... the moist of the dews reminded her of his touch when he was dying ..... the hold of his hand was telling her..... I will be with you ... I will be ... and I am with you!
A salty track of tear rolled down her wrinkled chin .... wetting her glasses ..... and she felt his existence again... again...and again, in the wet glass ...looking straight into her eyes
A smile on her face....was what he always demanded....demanded, to keep him alive .... and she was smiling ....
This snap was taken at the Mt. Tsukuba (Tsukuba-san) excursion!
They always used to come here .... every flower in this garden was their friend.... every bird had its song woven for them.... every bench in the corners was a mute witness of the immense love they shared .... the dew drops on the leaves glittered every morning in pride of sharing their great warmth for each other.....
and whenever they came here.... no one could stop them talking to each other, but the time, which always flew the fastest then and only then ..... as if, it was in a hurry to carry this experience to someone more beloved .....
they always had a great many things to share ..... they always had ..... even after 50 years of successful married life ..... their friends envied them... but the more they loved each other ....
It was the respect for each other, which made them love each other and not just the love which should have made them respect each other ..... that was the secret of their ever increasing involvement ... the ever increasing depth of their love .... how could friends ever understand this?
and now... that she was sitting alone on the same bench .... she spread her shaking hand beside her ..... the moist of the dews reminded her of his touch when he was dying ..... the hold of his hand was telling her..... I will be with you ... I will be ... and I am with you!
A salty track of tear rolled down her wrinkled chin .... wetting her glasses ..... and she felt his existence again... again...and again, in the wet glass ...looking straight into her eyes
A smile on her face....was what he always demanded....demanded, to keep him alive .... and she was smiling ....
This snap was taken at the Mt. Tsukuba (Tsukuba-san) excursion!
Friday, June 30, 2006
The language of Love
Man-kind has shown the utmost creativity in being romantic for years. Even though, we feel proud of our art of communication and the techniques we developed for a wider reach, somehow within integrity, every culture has managed to maintain its uniqueness, its identity.
Although there is a unique method of expressing your feelings (the roots of which fall in the various hormones we secrete) the methods vary from person to person and more rigorously culture to culture.
Let's see the various scripts for the most romantic language in the world. (let the reader decide which one of them suits him/her)
Western:
A B C D E F G
....this is probably the best form of written script with the worst form of aesthetics
Chinese:
Gung Shang Chiao/jue cheng bianzih zih/Chih Yu biangong/biankung
....Chinese culture believed that every form or structure is a harmony of five basic elements. Even musical notes are named according to these five elements. A proper balance of these in your music looms into the best form of creation.
These elements are:
Kung (Earth), Shang (metal), chiao (wood), cheng (fire), yu (water)
Bali:
Ding Dong Deng Dung Dang
....appears very close to be a modern style of expressions....a freaky chakra
European:
Doh Re mi fa sol lah ti
........have to accept that europe understood it better than western....that's why the western world knows music by the names mozart, beethoven, satie, schumann, schubert, Liszt and Bach
Indian:
Sa Re/Ri ga ma pa dha ni
.......... considered to be the best form of improvisation and variational music.....a lot of space for creativity....the good part is, it is the only form of formal music existing so far in Indian culture....no distortions happened, like in western (blues, Jazz, Rock...and the latest HipHop)
Although there is a unique method of expressing your feelings (the roots of which fall in the various hormones we secrete) the methods vary from person to person and more rigorously culture to culture.
Let's see the various scripts for the most romantic language in the world. (let the reader decide which one of them suits him/her)
Western:
A B C D E F G
....this is probably the best form of written script with the worst form of aesthetics
Chinese:
Gung Shang Chiao/jue cheng bianzih zih/Chih Yu biangong/biankung
....Chinese culture believed that every form or structure is a harmony of five basic elements. Even musical notes are named according to these five elements. A proper balance of these in your music looms into the best form of creation.
These elements are:
Kung (Earth), Shang (metal), chiao (wood), cheng (fire), yu (water)
Bali:
Ding Dong Deng Dung Dang
....appears very close to be a modern style of expressions....a freaky chakra
European:
Doh Re mi fa sol lah ti
........have to accept that europe understood it better than western....that's why the western world knows music by the names mozart, beethoven, satie, schumann, schubert, Liszt and Bach
Indian:
Sa Re/Ri ga ma pa dha ni
.......... considered to be the best form of improvisation and variational music.....a lot of space for creativity....the good part is, it is the only form of formal music existing so far in Indian culture....no distortions happened, like in western (blues, Jazz, Rock...and the latest HipHop)
Monday, May 29, 2006
Usne Kaha Tha - III
I can't afford hating them... I have no time left for it!...was Watanabe-san's last words before he disappeared behind the horizon of the bridge. Nishida stayed frozen at this swift remark of Watanabe and couldn't help staring at the silhouette dissolving gradually in the starry night. "what under the sun has given him such a great strength and enthusiasm at this very age?"....it was inaccessible to Nishida's reach...the bridge appeared as if a line separating the two worlds....the mute empires.....and why should he?...how was this poor guy to know the secrets hidden deep in the fortress?....I can't afford hating them....I have no time left for it.....murmured Nishida, while continuing his way down the bridge. - A scene from Akira Kurosawa's "Ikiru". ......(I am damn sure, the movie "Anand" is inspired from the plot of this movie....a worth watching one!)
There are times when you want to be more emotional than logical, more biased than rational. You want to do what your heart says than what your mind forces you. Recently, death of someone, one of the most beloved, reminded me of the above slogan. He was the Watanabe from Ikiru, who always preferred to smile when life always turned away from him. He was the person who taught me, that greatness has nothing to do with money, wealth, success but simplicity. He was the one who taught me to decorate one's life with the tiny moments of pleasure, satisfaction. He never could gather any materialistic asset. Even at his death, his debts were high up than his credits. Even then, he kept smiling at life, inviting every little drop of it...enlightening every soul around him....and....life kept snatching everything from him...his job, his health, his strength and finally his breath...If god exists somewhere, would feel ashamed of myself being an entity aware of it.......
Sitting in my room, alone...I wanted to cry...wanted to fill the space around me with the frustration in me.....and, I couldn't do even that...not even a single drop of tear rolled.....I wanted to speak to someone, but found none....shame on you life.....but, I can't hate you.....everybody always compared myself with him....I am like him...all my habits resemble him....
If that is so....then I can't afford hating them....I have no time left for that!
There are times when you want to be more emotional than logical, more biased than rational. You want to do what your heart says than what your mind forces you. Recently, death of someone, one of the most beloved, reminded me of the above slogan. He was the Watanabe from Ikiru, who always preferred to smile when life always turned away from him. He was the person who taught me, that greatness has nothing to do with money, wealth, success but simplicity. He was the one who taught me to decorate one's life with the tiny moments of pleasure, satisfaction. He never could gather any materialistic asset. Even at his death, his debts were high up than his credits. Even then, he kept smiling at life, inviting every little drop of it...enlightening every soul around him....and....life kept snatching everything from him...his job, his health, his strength and finally his breath...If god exists somewhere, would feel ashamed of myself being an entity aware of it.......
Sitting in my room, alone...I wanted to cry...wanted to fill the space around me with the frustration in me.....and, I couldn't do even that...not even a single drop of tear rolled.....I wanted to speak to someone, but found none....shame on you life.....but, I can't hate you.....everybody always compared myself with him....I am like him...all my habits resemble him....
If that is so....then I can't afford hating them....I have no time left for that!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
On Public Demand
This post is dedicated to my lovely friends, who quite willingly pursued me to share my excitement of having a laptop. Thanks for your interest. Now, for the first time I felt the worth of owing it......abe, not the laptop...the friends...you, my dears...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
A bad time for a good news
First the good news:
The booth just in front of mine is assigned to a french girl, who is not that bad looking.....humm...she is good looking, to be honest...being a french, I have a fair chance to make friendship with.....I love french language.....particularly, when you know how to say "I love you"....Je t'aime baucoup!
Why is it a bad time:
The same day my boss arrives....and has been assigned a booth beside me ..... more over now both the bosses (Indian and Japanese) being happy with my work, expecting high from me ......will have to look sincere...more than I am!..... and sincerity doesn't allow me to meander around..... "the french fries are no good for health"...a recent survey says, in bold typo!
The booth just in front of mine is assigned to a french girl, who is not that bad looking.....humm...she is good looking, to be honest...being a french, I have a fair chance to make friendship with.....I love french language.....particularly, when you know how to say "I love you"....Je t'aime baucoup!
Why is it a bad time:
The same day my boss arrives....and has been assigned a booth beside me ..... more over now both the bosses (Indian and Japanese) being happy with my work, expecting high from me ......will have to look sincere...more than I am!..... and sincerity doesn't allow me to meander around..... "the french fries are no good for health"...a recent survey says, in bold typo!
Friday, May 19, 2006
The ultimate compatibility-I
These are a few real life jokes, shared by one of my friends, who used to stay in Chennai a few years back.
He was very confused to land on this alien wonderland, highly densed with rhythmically moving, though still un-correlated pool of human beings. Thankfully, all the information was available in English. He wondered, how could people here know english better than the native language there. Quite unlike the place from which he had come, where saying even "hi" in a language different from the native one would cause tons of energy loss. The first thing he observed in the alien script only, was a big hoarding of a one liner. But he was wise enough to guess what it was. At that place, what it can be, other than the name of the station, he thought, it must be Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus only.
He was shaken by the tremendous crowd and chaos around. And still they managed to move their one way, He amazed. Scared, he moved towards a taxi, standing in the queue. He was quite nervous to keep notion of anything around. Finally, rising to his senses, he decidedly started talking to the driver, who was apparently a saradarji. Under nervousness, he could ask
He: tamil teri(yu)ma? (do you understand tamil?)
sardarji was frowned. Quite disturbed by his comment....how dare he say so?
Sardarji: (quite angrily) oye.....tamil meri ma...to panjabi tera baap.
He was very confused to land on this alien wonderland, highly densed with rhythmically moving, though still un-correlated pool of human beings. Thankfully, all the information was available in English. He wondered, how could people here know english better than the native language there. Quite unlike the place from which he had come, where saying even "hi" in a language different from the native one would cause tons of energy loss. The first thing he observed in the alien script only, was a big hoarding of a one liner. But he was wise enough to guess what it was. At that place, what it can be, other than the name of the station, he thought, it must be Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus only.
He was shaken by the tremendous crowd and chaos around. And still they managed to move their one way, He amazed. Scared, he moved towards a taxi, standing in the queue. He was quite nervous to keep notion of anything around. Finally, rising to his senses, he decidedly started talking to the driver, who was apparently a saradarji. Under nervousness, he could ask
He: tamil teri(yu)ma? (do you understand tamil?)
sardarji was frowned. Quite disturbed by his comment....how dare he say so?
Sardarji: (quite angrily) oye.....tamil meri ma...to panjabi tera baap.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Repertoire
Today, finally when I had my laptop up and running well, I realised that my love for it was rather my infatuation. I now owe the latest of all, so to say the state-of-art technology based macintosh decorating my desk in my room, and I feel no better than yesterday, when I was the only person here (may be in this whole country) deprived of a laptop.
And why should I be surprised?...it is just a laptop...and not a piano....sometimes, to recognise your true love you should have a touch of infatuation....and, now I feel bad....my days here are coming to end......I will not be able to touch my love....my piano...for next few months...till when I come again....... will it remember me? my fingers?....or someone else, will make it smooth out all the memories of the moments we were together?
...... time will tell..... only time will tell.....hummm!
And why should I be surprised?...it is just a laptop...and not a piano....sometimes, to recognise your true love you should have a touch of infatuation....and, now I feel bad....my days here are coming to end......I will not be able to touch my love....my piano...for next few months...till when I come again....... will it remember me? my fingers?....or someone else, will make it smooth out all the memories of the moments we were together?
...... time will tell..... only time will tell.....hummm!
Monday, May 15, 2006
You missed it again, Nikhil !
The drums started ruminating. The Shamisen (japanese guitar with three strings) sprinkled its murmur. Soon music had taken over him. He was senseless to the outside world. Foot tapping, he approached the central part near the stage. For the moment, he would have forgotten, that dance was not his cup of tea. Native music has it's own flavor, unmatchable! He thought. After some time, he saw a whole bunch of people around him...dancing their own way.....the stage had transformed into an actor......
A sudden roar of clapping brought him back to his senses....the music had stopped...people were appreciating the musicians....while the crowd resided, a girl approached him ....Hi, the girl ..... this was the first time some girl talked to him in this alien-land ...and, that too a terrifically beautiful girl ...that was the first time for his whole life! She praise his initiatives...his dance....and ...... But, where was he? He wasn't listening to her anymore ..... deep inside his senses, he was storing this very event of a girl approaching him and saying "Hi" ..... he wasn't sure when this moment will end .....and everything will be back to normal !
But, surprisingly it went for a little longer...the girl was from Tokyo University, studying in psychology ....Humm, I love psychology , He ..... she was amazed by the world of physics ...and fortunately, couldn't understand anything from Particle Physics .....humm...even I don't understand it....nothing wrong, the subject is boringly abstract ...again Him ......
They went talking for a while, when he realised, she likes Indians....and Indian food....strange, but honest...he thought .....he had seen people eating Indian food like hell...but never stopped complaining its over-spicy nature! ........
He doesn't know, how far it went...he remember only one last moment...when they waved towards each other....the girl had a heavenly smile on her face....and he turned back chewing his great experience...
And, that moment reminded him of something ..... he turned back...searched diligently....ran a bit here and there...but she was gone!.... They had exchanged their e-mail id's....and he had forgotten to tear off the page in her notebook.....
She had said once....she would be marrying a man, who knows Indian cooking .....hard luck...he had instructed himself......but I will learn, never mind... he had a self-consolation .....
But, now even that possibility was gone...he searched for her again and again...but, she had to return to Tokyo, she had said....and it was useless searching for her......but still he kept looking for her ........mindlessly....senselessly......
Two hours later, he was on his bike.....on his way back home......and he could only say to himself ......"You missed it again, Nikhil !" .....and he smiled
A sudden roar of clapping brought him back to his senses....the music had stopped...people were appreciating the musicians....while the crowd resided, a girl approached him ....Hi, the girl ..... this was the first time some girl talked to him in this alien-land ...and, that too a terrifically beautiful girl ...that was the first time for his whole life! She praise his initiatives...his dance....and ...... But, where was he? He wasn't listening to her anymore ..... deep inside his senses, he was storing this very event of a girl approaching him and saying "Hi" ..... he wasn't sure when this moment will end .....and everything will be back to normal !
But, surprisingly it went for a little longer...the girl was from Tokyo University, studying in psychology ....Humm, I love psychology , He ..... she was amazed by the world of physics ...and fortunately, couldn't understand anything from Particle Physics .....humm...even I don't understand it....nothing wrong, the subject is boringly abstract ...again Him ......
They went talking for a while, when he realised, she likes Indians....and Indian food....strange, but honest...he thought .....he had seen people eating Indian food like hell...but never stopped complaining its over-spicy nature! ........
He doesn't know, how far it went...he remember only one last moment...when they waved towards each other....the girl had a heavenly smile on her face....and he turned back chewing his great experience...
And, that moment reminded him of something ..... he turned back...searched diligently....ran a bit here and there...but she was gone!.... They had exchanged their e-mail id's....and he had forgotten to tear off the page in her notebook.....
She had said once....she would be marrying a man, who knows Indian cooking .....hard luck...he had instructed himself......but I will learn, never mind... he had a self-consolation .....
But, now even that possibility was gone...he searched for her again and again...but, she had to return to Tokyo, she had said....and it was useless searching for her......but still he kept looking for her ........mindlessly....senselessly......
Two hours later, he was on his bike.....on his way back home......and he could only say to himself ......"You missed it again, Nikhil !" .....and he smiled
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The Guide
I can't tell you, how you feel after a longtime problem, for which you spent more than a week, gets solved in a few minutes, comprising of a few adjustments in the code (what is called a logical error, opposed to a compilation error, for which your compiler does a good job). We had a problem.....the distribution was not looking the same what it should look like...the theoretical prediction was appearing inaccessible........we presented this problem in the biweekly meeting....got lot of tips and toes....faced lots of fanatic criticisms......there is something wrong ....was the expert comment.
Yah....we know that but why?.....nobody could answer...they were as clueless as we were.....
And, today finally we decided to sit together...for the first time and discuss....I talked about
theory...he talked about practice....and as it goes.....practicality won over theory....I could guess my mistake......just had to add a single line in my code.....we call it a Lorentz Transformation or a boost.....and the world changed ......a boosted frame of reference looked so different for the first time ...... the graph was in front of us...... supporting theoretical expectations ......
This is why you need a guide...and not a supervisor ...... and luckily wherever I went...be it a short term project...a deputation .... my doctoral studies at my institute .... or my collaboration experiment..... I always got a great supervisor ...no, a great guide.... and a true friend
The picture was taken by my supervisor here, just after I showed him the latest results...we both were very happy....and in my case, it was a little extra......from that moment onward, I am hovering over the song Boyfriend by Ayuse Kozue...rolling on ...and on
Yah....we know that but why?.....nobody could answer...they were as clueless as we were.....
And, today finally we decided to sit together...for the first time and discuss....I talked about
theory...he talked about practice....and as it goes.....practicality won over theory....I could guess my mistake......just had to add a single line in my code.....we call it a Lorentz Transformation or a boost.....and the world changed ......a boosted frame of reference looked so different for the first time ...... the graph was in front of us...... supporting theoretical expectations ......This is why you need a guide...and not a supervisor ...... and luckily wherever I went...be it a short term project...a deputation .... my doctoral studies at my institute .... or my collaboration experiment..... I always got a great supervisor ...no, a great guide.... and a true friend
The picture was taken by my supervisor here, just after I showed him the latest results...we both were very happy....and in my case, it was a little extra......from that moment onward, I am hovering over the song Boyfriend by Ayuse Kozue...rolling on ...and on
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
The sacred Bell - I
This concept was floating over my mind for a long time, but didn't materialise into a blog lately. Recently, I completed reading the book The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, where for the first time, I was introduced to the richness of the famous painting The Vitruvian Man by Leonardo Da Vinci. And it revoked my inspiration to put my good-old thoughts into words.
Sometime back, at my institute, there was held a series of lectures on "Biophysics" by a visiting faculty from a centre dedicated to biological studies Dr. Kalyan Banarjee. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend much of it. Though, I remember of one particular day, when the lecturer wanted us to be furious about the fact, that most of the biological processes follow a Gaussian distribution! The lecture ended with a question "why?", both on the back-board and my mind.
Being an experimentalist, I had a similar experience in physics, which shattered me the most. Physics and Bio differ in only one (and I suppose the most important) principle. Biology, unlike physics can not be made objective. The sacred law of natural adaptation or survival of the fittest draws a thick line between these two subjects. Still most of the systems there share the same mathematical nature! why?
Here, you deserve having a fair deal and I must pause for a while. Let all your random thoughts wave around to dig this seemingly ubiquitous relation between these totally uncorrelated systems. Who knows some better interpretation might evolve, if I don't bias your thoughts with my logic.
....to be continued
Sometime back, at my institute, there was held a series of lectures on "Biophysics" by a visiting faculty from a centre dedicated to biological studies Dr. Kalyan Banarjee. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend much of it. Though, I remember of one particular day, when the lecturer wanted us to be furious about the fact, that most of the biological processes follow a Gaussian distribution! The lecture ended with a question "why?", both on the back-board and my mind.
Being an experimentalist, I had a similar experience in physics, which shattered me the most. Physics and Bio differ in only one (and I suppose the most important) principle. Biology, unlike physics can not be made objective. The sacred law of natural adaptation or survival of the fittest draws a thick line between these two subjects. Still most of the systems there share the same mathematical nature! why?
Here, you deserve having a fair deal and I must pause for a while. Let all your random thoughts wave around to dig this seemingly ubiquitous relation between these totally uncorrelated systems. Who knows some better interpretation might evolve, if I don't bias your thoughts with my logic.
....to be continued
Thursday, May 04, 2006
The Hidden world
Today, that incidence gave him a major kick back. Now, that he could experience how a father, whose own child had torn him out of his life, for the reason "you keep poking your nose in every minute thing unnecessarily and keep disturbing us a lot!", would feel, he was speechless.
He wasn't this way all the time. He remembered his school days, when even saying "hi" to someone would cost hundreds of rupees. And, he was the happiest person in the world. A world within myself. And, then things changed....he thought he was improving....developing himself...Touching the other corners of the beauty.....crossing the boundaries he had set long ago ......for so many years, he was in a self-imposed asylum...a golden cage..... he could bear only a few but very finely chosen circle of friends around him....perhaps, he was happy....he did very few things, but when he did, did them with total association.....then he felt it a part of himself........
and then he opened the doors to the outside world........he would grab all that he missed for this long ........and he felt to be complete.......felt to be big.....and then he started living in this vulgar imagination of his own...a new one, rather.....same delusion of being a social animal....a human being....but, he didn't change in the positive way...when a social animal...nothing remains yours'....it is social...it is common....and you got to keep distances!
Now, he wishes he could go back to the same state again....had enough fun...had enough friends....had enough hallucinations....had enough of outer world....
his father always taught the only difference between a man and a beast.......if you are a human, you got to learn from your mistakes.....never overlook them.....they are your teachers and you should respect them.....love them......and he was not to forget it......he would learn a new lesson from this incidence.......have a few friends, but good friends...true friends.....have a little world...but a world for him....a world true to him...because he was true to them
if this very feeling of pushing oneself into reclusion from the unknown world around him could hurt him this much, then what about that father, whose own son did it!
he was never do it to his beloved...and won't let anyone do it to him....for that if he had to stay alone all his life, he will!
A song which is running in his mind all the time from that incidence,
sub kuchh sikha humne na sikhi hoshiyaari
such hain duniya walon ke hum hain anari - Anari
An inspired love story (with life) from the japanese movie HIdadayo no harashi
He wasn't this way all the time. He remembered his school days, when even saying "hi" to someone would cost hundreds of rupees. And, he was the happiest person in the world. A world within myself. And, then things changed....he thought he was improving....developing himself...Touching the other corners of the beauty.....crossing the boundaries he had set long ago ......for so many years, he was in a self-imposed asylum...a golden cage..... he could bear only a few but very finely chosen circle of friends around him....perhaps, he was happy....he did very few things, but when he did, did them with total association.....then he felt it a part of himself........
and then he opened the doors to the outside world........he would grab all that he missed for this long ........and he felt to be complete.......felt to be big.....and then he started living in this vulgar imagination of his own...a new one, rather.....same delusion of being a social animal....a human being....but, he didn't change in the positive way...when a social animal...nothing remains yours'....it is social...it is common....and you got to keep distances!
Now, he wishes he could go back to the same state again....had enough fun...had enough friends....had enough hallucinations....had enough of outer world....
his father always taught the only difference between a man and a beast.......if you are a human, you got to learn from your mistakes.....never overlook them.....they are your teachers and you should respect them.....love them......and he was not to forget it......he would learn a new lesson from this incidence.......have a few friends, but good friends...true friends.....have a little world...but a world for him....a world true to him...because he was true to them
if this very feeling of pushing oneself into reclusion from the unknown world around him could hurt him this much, then what about that father, whose own son did it!
he was never do it to his beloved...and won't let anyone do it to him....for that if he had to stay alone all his life, he will!
A song which is running in his mind all the time from that incidence,
sub kuchh sikha humne na sikhi hoshiyaari
such hain duniya walon ke hum hain anari - Anari
An inspired love story (with life) from the japanese movie HIdadayo no harashi
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Matches are made in Heaven
Note: Though, the story and the characters are real, they do not belong to each other. So, apart from the plot nothing should be taken seriously.
It dates back to my college days. Not too many days had passed, when we were made to form a row in front of our seniors. We were asked to introduce ourselves while repeating all that previously have been said by all the mates before you...Sequentially. Failing this would have led one to a severe punishment, what they called a second degree ragging. Ragging was banned on campus, but a voice made in that direction should have cost a third degree ragging, the details of which were yet unknown...since nobody before us dared undergo it....showed the seriousness of the matter!
Luckily, I was just the third person in the queue to introduce and had to remember only the first two members in the row, one of which was my school mate.....though my nerves kept me losing control, I passed the test to the forth person, next to me in the queue....the forth, then tossed it to fifth...and so on.....I could have realised by that time, what kind of competition I was going to have in the academics....I was just the third lowest in smartness according to this data.....the seventh spoke his part...eighth one had a small slip of tongue, but he couldn't save ninth one.....with every repetition, I was uttering the names, schools, colleges, grade percentages...just to fill in my lost confidence...and then suddenly that happened....
He was the tenth in line to reach only till the fifth....he couldn't remember the grade score of the sixth person...while saving himself with a raw guess, he couldn't help, since the sixth one was our Harishchandra, the Jr. ....A punishment was impending .... for both ......for him, the tenth particle from our seniors and for the sixth entity from him. the tenth avatar...later, of course!
Seniors probably had something in mind from the beginning....or the poor Bihari guy, to undergo the second degree treatment....how could he know the meaning of what he was about to do?
The next day, he was asked to approach a girl from the same batch, but different class and to spill out "Naan Unnai Kadhalikkiren" holding her hand.....
Abhinav (a.k.a. navada) moving towards Janakee, who was residing away with her back towards us, jumped in front of her and held her hand....we could feel how nervous he was initially!
Navada: Naan Unnai Kadhalikkiren ....(this time his memory didn't create any hustle)
Janakee: (who was passing through a cycle of phases... scared... frawned.... nervous... upset, one after other, gathered her breath at last) do you know what it means?
Navada shook his head, with a deep innocence flushing out.
Janakee: In Tamil it means, I love you.
We all, including Navada must had a faint idea...was easy to guess, if it is a ragging practice...but Janakee had a lot more to surprise us (by the way, she was unaware of what had happened in the boys hostel) .........even now, it is tough to reason out this strange behavior of a tamil girl, from a orthodox, conservative tamil family. Janakee: (...continued with raising her voice a bit stronger) do you still want to say the same again?
Navada: (............pause.....2 sec., 3....4...and then a smile) yes.....
what was that poor girl to say after this? ..... surely, she had not guessed this......only thing she could do, after realising the presence of audience, (much more than she expected in such a busy college hour) was to turn back and leave the place.....leaving us in a long silence......
but it made Navada quite famous...even our seniors couldn't stop appreciating his courage.....he was our hero...and in those days our idol.....as a result of this within just two weeks later, almost every girl from the college became Navada's friend.....and, that forced every other boy keep waving hi's to Navada, our future prospective facilitator!.....and perhaps this was the time, I started taking my tamil seriously.
Three days back, I received a mail from Navada, who is now at a very good university abroad. He is getting married.....and can you guess, who the bride is? .....yes, she is Janakee....
The matches are made in heaven!
It dates back to my college days. Not too many days had passed, when we were made to form a row in front of our seniors. We were asked to introduce ourselves while repeating all that previously have been said by all the mates before you...Sequentially. Failing this would have led one to a severe punishment, what they called a second degree ragging. Ragging was banned on campus, but a voice made in that direction should have cost a third degree ragging, the details of which were yet unknown...since nobody before us dared undergo it....showed the seriousness of the matter!
Luckily, I was just the third person in the queue to introduce and had to remember only the first two members in the row, one of which was my school mate.....though my nerves kept me losing control, I passed the test to the forth person, next to me in the queue....the forth, then tossed it to fifth...and so on.....I could have realised by that time, what kind of competition I was going to have in the academics....I was just the third lowest in smartness according to this data.....the seventh spoke his part...eighth one had a small slip of tongue, but he couldn't save ninth one.....with every repetition, I was uttering the names, schools, colleges, grade percentages...just to fill in my lost confidence...and then suddenly that happened....
He was the tenth in line to reach only till the fifth....he couldn't remember the grade score of the sixth person...while saving himself with a raw guess, he couldn't help, since the sixth one was our Harishchandra, the Jr. ....A punishment was impending .... for both ......for him, the tenth particle from our seniors and for the sixth entity from him. the tenth avatar...later, of course!
Seniors probably had something in mind from the beginning....or the poor Bihari guy, to undergo the second degree treatment....how could he know the meaning of what he was about to do?
The next day, he was asked to approach a girl from the same batch, but different class and to spill out "Naan Unnai Kadhalikkiren" holding her hand.....
Abhinav (a.k.a. navada) moving towards Janakee, who was residing away with her back towards us, jumped in front of her and held her hand....we could feel how nervous he was initially!
Navada: Naan Unnai Kadhalikkiren ....(this time his memory didn't create any hustle)
Janakee: (who was passing through a cycle of phases... scared... frawned.... nervous... upset, one after other, gathered her breath at last) do you know what it means?
Navada shook his head, with a deep innocence flushing out.
Janakee: In Tamil it means, I love you.
We all, including Navada must had a faint idea...was easy to guess, if it is a ragging practice...but Janakee had a lot more to surprise us (by the way, she was unaware of what had happened in the boys hostel) .........even now, it is tough to reason out this strange behavior of a tamil girl, from a orthodox, conservative tamil family. Janakee: (...continued with raising her voice a bit stronger) do you still want to say the same again?
Navada: (............pause.....2 sec., 3....4...and then a smile) yes.....
what was that poor girl to say after this? ..... surely, she had not guessed this......only thing she could do, after realising the presence of audience, (much more than she expected in such a busy college hour) was to turn back and leave the place.....leaving us in a long silence......
but it made Navada quite famous...even our seniors couldn't stop appreciating his courage.....he was our hero...and in those days our idol.....as a result of this within just two weeks later, almost every girl from the college became Navada's friend.....and, that forced every other boy keep waving hi's to Navada, our future prospective facilitator!.....and perhaps this was the time, I started taking my tamil seriously.
Three days back, I received a mail from Navada, who is now at a very good university abroad. He is getting married.....and can you guess, who the bride is? .....yes, she is Janakee....
The matches are made in heaven!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Time to be ....
Sometime back, when I wrote a blog on death of a scientist, it was meant rather a conceptual disease spreading my country. If you are dead in concept you are not a living organism, still it takes time to realise your non-existence physically. I think now, the time has come to realise you are dead.....even physically.....and if whatever bible said is true, then it is the time of your resurrection!
My country is a developing one. Though it is not the best place in the world, I have immense love for it, for it is my own country. And I feel proud, that despite many problems due to cultural and natural diversity, it is progressing ahead. And, because of it has no "set patterns of thinking" like the one where I am right now, it is tough to guess where it will lead.... it is really a transition time..... a blind transition, though.....and it is your job to fix your place in this sandstorm....no one will care for you....no one will have time to care for you......
Two days back, I read this news on rediff. Recently, there has been a few tries to make amendments in the education system here. We being world's democratic country, have the richest political system and everything is settled through (for) politics. And a good politician needs power(s)...either a financial power or man power......So, in short education ministry here is dictated by either the corporate world or by religion (I consider communalism a part of religious feelings, as it is ported these days). And believe me, if you didn't born at the right place (this time no constraint on time), you will have a very tough time, however talented you are.......
Politics rather being a barter system (a give n' take method) it can be taken granted...taking their average educational level into consideration.....chalo thik hain...hota hain, sort of.......but look at my own institute.....it is an institute...a scientific institute...a scientific research institute.......an autonomous scientific research institute...sorry, the premier autonomous scientific research institute in my country....and even after these many medals, it deserved one more......it is a doomed (no typos, OK) institute....
It is true that the quality of research has gone down (I don't know if it was up anytime, but doubtless we are NOT doing our best) and we need a revision of our mentality, perhaps....but, how am I to explain them this simple fact, that Quantity can not substitute the Quality! You seek more and more students at the cost of realisation that the old students are NO good? Then how could you select them at the first place? And with the same selection criteria, how will your new students turn out to be better? And, if there was nothing wrong in the old students, while selecting them, your system for these many years grew them bad? ....or even now they are good, then you are contradicting yourself....
This is really the doomsday conspiracy....even at an autonomous research institute!.....a student in my country is dead......and, I can't blame them....I don't believe in communism, where the same status will be APPOINTED to a tiger and a lamb in the same jungle......left to themselves, tiger has to kill the lamb and lamb has to run to hide.....this is a jungle....and it is upto you, to decide...to decide who you are....a lamb...or a tiger.....
You were a lamb......enough served the tiger....now, it's time for resurrection......time to shape into a tiger......be a man to a man...be a lamb to a lamb...but, remain a tiger to a tiger......
My country is a developing one. Though it is not the best place in the world, I have immense love for it, for it is my own country. And I feel proud, that despite many problems due to cultural and natural diversity, it is progressing ahead. And, because of it has no "set patterns of thinking" like the one where I am right now, it is tough to guess where it will lead.... it is really a transition time..... a blind transition, though.....and it is your job to fix your place in this sandstorm....no one will care for you....no one will have time to care for you......
Two days back, I read this news on rediff. Recently, there has been a few tries to make amendments in the education system here. We being world's democratic country, have the richest political system and everything is settled through (for) politics. And a good politician needs power(s)...either a financial power or man power......So, in short education ministry here is dictated by either the corporate world or by religion (I consider communalism a part of religious feelings, as it is ported these days). And believe me, if you didn't born at the right place (this time no constraint on time), you will have a very tough time, however talented you are.......
Politics rather being a barter system (a give n' take method) it can be taken granted...taking their average educational level into consideration.....chalo thik hain...hota hain, sort of.......but look at my own institute.....it is an institute...a scientific institute...a scientific research institute.......an autonomous scientific research institute...sorry, the premier autonomous scientific research institute in my country....and even after these many medals, it deserved one more......it is a doomed (no typos, OK) institute....
It is true that the quality of research has gone down (I don't know if it was up anytime, but doubtless we are NOT doing our best) and we need a revision of our mentality, perhaps....but, how am I to explain them this simple fact, that Quantity can not substitute the Quality! You seek more and more students at the cost of realisation that the old students are NO good? Then how could you select them at the first place? And with the same selection criteria, how will your new students turn out to be better? And, if there was nothing wrong in the old students, while selecting them, your system for these many years grew them bad? ....or even now they are good, then you are contradicting yourself....
This is really the doomsday conspiracy....even at an autonomous research institute!.....a student in my country is dead......and, I can't blame them....I don't believe in communism, where the same status will be APPOINTED to a tiger and a lamb in the same jungle......left to themselves, tiger has to kill the lamb and lamb has to run to hide.....this is a jungle....and it is upto you, to decide...to decide who you are....a lamb...or a tiger.....
You were a lamb......enough served the tiger....now, it's time for resurrection......time to shape into a tiger......be a man to a man...be a lamb to a lamb...but, remain a tiger to a tiger......
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